Mutual understanding is the lifeblood of successful marriages. Take any successful relationship you know of and you can bet they succeed because they’ve learned the art of communicating. Without it even the best relationships shipwreck. But as every man who has ever tried to argue with a woman, and every woman who has ever tried…
Let me make a quick personal note on the word self-care. In truth, I really detest this word, and I think there is good reason why it took thousands of years for it to find its way into the vernacular. Not only does the word sound wimpy, it sounds selfish; it sounds like the sort…
Self-care should not be an attempt to overpower or conquer oneself, but rather the free experience of oneself. If conquering yourself—i.e., making yourself not angry, not sad, not nervous, etc.—is your primary aim, then chances are, however you go about the conquering, you will only succeeding in fortifying whatever neurosis you were struggling with in…
“I consider it a dangerous misconception of mental hygiene to assume that what man needs in the first place is equilibrium… a tensionless state. What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for a worthwhile goal, a freely chosen task. What he needs is not the discharge of…
Rarely a day goes by when my newsfeed isn’t running at least a half dozen articles on mental health. I’m a mental health counselor, and most of these articles bore me to tears; I can only imagine how others take them. The truth is, mental health articles are about as fun to read as they…
My wife recently put me on a mandatory book buying fast. Begrudgingly, I complied, but figured I’d make the most of it by rereading some old books that I haven’t touched in years. All in all, it’s been a highly productive fast (finally we have enough money left over to spend on senseless, impulsive purchases…
Lots of people have taken the labor to define Christian fundamentalism, so I will resist the urge to do so here. Instead, I will attempt to describe the fundamentalist personality in a way that will make it unmistakable for those who have personal experience with it. You’ve met him. He’s that guy who starts a…
Driving on the freeway in Tulsa a few years back, I saw a billboard advertising a wildly popular church in the area. The ad featured a photo taken from behind the pastor who was looking out on the congregation. The pastor had both fists in the air as if celebrating a touchdown. The caption read:…
First off, show up. Don’t ask permission, just show up. It’s always difficult to know just what to say when a friend or loved one tells you of a personal tragedy. The usual responses of “I’m so sorry,” or “what can I do?” are often not helpful. Both of these, though usually coming from a…
“Can you think of anything more frightful,” writes Kierkegaard, “than that it might end with your nature being resolved into a multiplicity, that you really might become many, become, like those unhappy demoniacs, a legion, and you thus would have lost the inmost and holiest thing of all in a man, the unifying power of…
It’s another Monday morning at Hodges Bend. The coffee is more chocolate tasting than usual, maybe it’s just because I didn’t drown it in cream this time. The usual good music has been replaced by an odd and uninspiring band. It’s one of those technically talented bands that tries too hard to prove itself with…
Fight your feelings if you want, but you will lose. You will lose because that small domain occupied by your conscious self is no match for the far larger more powerful unconscious self. The good news is that one’s unconscious mind does not desire a fight, but rather peace. The trouble is that it is…
Friday has become the best day of my week. I’m finally self-employed again, which means I can schedule a half-day of work followed by a half-day of reflection over cigars and Guinness whenever I want. I look forward to it like a 7-year-old looks forward to Disneyland, only I don’t wind up screaming and crying…
Anyone with a penchant for Greek mythology has undoubtedly encountered the bit about Hercules donning women’s clothing for a three-year period while in servitude to Omphale, daughter of the queen of Lydia. The legend recounts how Hercules—yes Hercules, slayer of giants, decapitator of the Hydra, destroyer of the hounds of hell—became “voluptuous and effeminate” sporting…
Transitioning from Protestantism to the Orthodox Church a bit over a decade ago was for me a fairly seamless one. I was already well versed in the different theological positions and met the cultural surprises through research prior to my first visit to an actual church; however, I definitely got hung up on the Church’s…
I grew up in churches that preached victory in everything, at every moment. There was no room for the tragic passing of a loved one; no room for financial devastation; no room for psychological illness; no room for difficulties in marriage; no room for real life. Most of my friends that grew up in the…
"Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced" -Kierkegaard
Doctrine Matters
Neither polemic nor compromise, but engagement
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